she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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