She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
