I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
