Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
