my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
