I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
