i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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