my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
