OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
