Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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