In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
