Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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