What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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