i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
