I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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