i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
