Please, let me fuck your mom
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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