shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
