yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
