This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
