I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want nice things and good sex
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
