Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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