i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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