You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
