I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
