If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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