How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
