How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
