Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
