Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
