my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
