I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You made out with two different species that night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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