Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
