it's like iHOP with fire
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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