Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
