How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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