someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
