Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
