Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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