Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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