I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
