If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
