One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You need Xanax blowdarts
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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