we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
