there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
