I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
