if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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