I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
