You made me cry and you don't even care
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
