What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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