cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
