He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I have aggressive nipples.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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