I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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