made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
